Who’s in charge here?

"I don't have a lot of memory in my head" - Ryuji Tonaki

Ryuji Tonaki, “Reference Library”, 2024

As Thomas Kuhn taught us, discovering new ideas starts with noticing paradigmatic anomalies. This means recognizing that nature almost always deviates from the expectations of science. For instance, in the present world, no matter which continent we inhabit, our goods and tools are typically similar or closely resembling, with comparable use and exchange values that are obvious to everyone, from the Kalahari bushman to the American CEO. However, while our capacities for storytelling transcend cultural boundaries, the words we use to name and describe things differ completely. This often leads to misunderstanding and, in turn, and all too frequently, open conflict. This dangerous inclination towards imprecision is well documented, as is the potential for language to hinder the free communication of our goods, as well as our ideas and experiences.

This is serious enough. Sticks and stones do indeed break bones, but words are inexpressibly more hurtful. Add to this the impact they have on our physical health. New research shows that simply using them — speaking them – has a detrimental and corrosive effect on our lungs and, consequently, significantly shortens our lifespan.

These hazardous shortcomings have driven researchers at Legado Academy to develop REALIA. This system replaces the traditional word-based model of communication with one centred entirely on real-world objects.

REALIA trains people to carry the objects they wish to discuss. In homes and offices, inventories are made readily available for discussion. If one’s business is as complex as the CEO’s, the burden of transportation can be distributed among the various stakeholders. For shorter conversations between, for example, two hunter-gatherers, the necessary items easily fit in a bag or under one’s arm.

Talking shit is one thing. Eating it is even more common. The practice is prevalent throughout the animal kingdom – rabbits, hares, the young of elephants, giant pandas, koalas, and hippos, cattle, hamsters, guinea pigs, chinchillas, hedgehogs, pigs, termites, dung beetles, earwigs, latrine flies, certain paraphiliacs, practioners of Ayurveda, members of a cult in northeastern Thailand’s Chaiyaphum province, afficianados of kopi luwak, insect tea, Black Ivory Coffee and Casu martzu cheese, and gorillas, if they’re bored enough.

Researchers at Lagado have perfected a technique for making this more palatable and nutritious. The method involves breaking down human excrement into its components, expelling its liquids, eliminating its odours, and transforming the final product into food. An essential step in the process is eliminating the tincture derived from the gall.

Another Lagado team uses a “cephalic” tincture – extracted not from a human’s anus but from its head – to inscribe mathematical propositions on easily digested wafers which, when swallowed, vector the propositions directly to the brain.

For more information, consult our findings online.